The Sarcastic Gardener

Privacy Policy

Last Updated: April 06, 2025

Welcome to The Sarcastic Gardener (https://sarcastic.shtf.co.za). I’m Courtney, the sarcastic mind behind this blog, and I’m committed to protecting your privacy—mostly because I don’t want your inbox full of my plant rants unless you ask for it. This Privacy Policy explains how I collect, use, and safeguard your personal information.

1. What Information I Collect

  • Personal Data: If you leave a comment, sign up for updates, or email me at courtney@shtf.co.za, I might collect your name, email address, or whatever witty alias you choose.
  • Usage Data: I use basic analytics (e.g., Google Analytics) to see how many people laugh at my jokes or abandon ship mid-post. This includes stuff like your IP address, browser type, and which pages you visit.
  • Cookies: The site might use cookies to remember you’re not a bot or to track how often you revisit my snarky gardening tips. They’re not the edible kind, sadly.

2. How I Use Your Information

  • To respond to your emails or comments (e.g., “Yes, your cactus is judging you”).
  • To send updates if you’ve subscribed—don’t worry, I won’t spam you with fertilizer ads.
  • To improve the blog by seeing what works (more sarcasm? fewer puns?).

3. Sharing Your Information

I don’t sell your data. Period. I might share it with:

  • Service providers (e.g., hosting or email services) to keep the site running.
  • Legal authorities, if they come knocking with a warrant—or a really good lawyer.

4. Your Rights

Under laws like POPIA or GDPR (if applicable), you can:

  • Ask what data I have about you.
  • Request I delete it (goodbye, forever!).
  • Opt out of emails—just hit unsubscribe or yell at me via courtney@shtf.co.za.

5. Security

I use reasonable measures to protect your info, but the internet’s a wild place—I can’t guarantee absolute safety. Don’t send me your bank details, okay?

6. Third-Party Links

If I link to some gardening tool site (or a meme page), their privacy practices aren’t my responsibility. Click wisely.

7. Contact Me

Questions? Complaints? Email me at courtney@shtf.co.za.